Put my house up on zoopla
But neighbours killed my hoopla
And when I saw their flagpole
It put me off my spag-bol!
These fruits of outdoor kasis
Have joined local bourgoisies
And now turned lavish tippers
Of bin men, and fly tippers

The Union Jack looks great on Geri Halliwell
But not right next door to the house I am trying to sell
It would be fine at the Platinum Jubilee
But by my clothes line
How I wish it would flap less or just hang more droopily

My life has been a campaign
To get the workers champagne
And feel none are so worthy
As all the rough and earthy!
But now they lap up Boris
Like his words were mcflurries
And all their big moustaches
Look like some mad carwashes

They all roll up at nandos
They go there in commandos
And tho their skin is sagging
Look how their tails are wagging!
They’re happy as John Inman
Among some hunky binmen
They wag their tails like corgis
Who’re promised treats and walkies